Snake Model

[genius]

The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model)
Upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations
-Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.
-Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.
-Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.
-Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicures.
-Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.
-Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e. cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.
-Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel voucher upon return.
-Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5-series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using countermobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.
-Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALs kill Muslim extremist snakes.
-Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.
-Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.
-Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.
-Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.
-Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works feverishly to save snake's life.
-Supply: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)
-Transport pilot: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, delivers two weeks after due date.
-F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses target due to weather.
-AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on infra-red.
-UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake starts bonfire to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into the fire.
-B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target.
-Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use nuclear weapons.
-Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only 4 of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW.
-Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy.
-CH-47 Pilot: Slingleg breaks in flight while slingloading anti-snake equipment, pilot cuts slingload. Slingload lands on snake and kills it. Crew cheif uses dead snake to replace broken slingleg.
-Navy Pilot: Draped snake around neck at Tail Hook to pick up chicks.
-Military Police: Gave snake a sobriety test for not moving in a straight line.
-Signal: Broadcasts 200,000+ watt transmissions in support of anti-snake missions, accidentally electrocuted snake in the process.
-Corps of Engineers: Surveyed and researched area for plans on improving flood plain, cant do it because snake is on the endangered species list.
-Cooks: Snake sneaks in chow hall. Snake dies of food poisoning.

[ONeil]

Sorry genius don't understand what you want to tell with this story? And why is this text in English?

Gib halt wenigstens noch ne kurze Erläuterung, um was es in dem Text überhaupt geht...

[Psycho Joker]

Wenn du zu denkfaul bist, um dir den Text durchzulesen oder zu übersetzen, dann lass es halt sein.

[bbman]

Hätte eigentlich durchaus in Was Witziges gepasst...

[Swizzy]

Zitat von ONeil

Sorry genius don't understand what you want to tell with this story? And why is this text in English?

Gib halt wenigstens noch ne kurze Erläuterung, um was es in dem Text überhaupt geht...

Wenn ich das irgendwie richtig verstanden habe , sollte es Reaktionen Zeigen wenn eine Schlange sich einschleicht oder so... teilweise ganz lustig (Das was ich verstehe lol )

Der Punkt ist Hammer


Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALs kill Muslim extremist snakes.

[bbman]

Nö, geht darum, was passiert, wenn Schlange und Einheit der US-Armee aufeinander treffen...

[Swizzy]

Zitat von bbman

Nö, geht darum, was passiert, wenn Schlange und Einheit der US-Armee aufeinander treffen...

Jo lol ich hab nich grad den richtigen Satz gefunden , zu grosse Freude über das 1 :1

[desonator]

also es ist etwas lustig, aber noch lustiger wirds wenn ihr es mit google übersetzt.hier ein ausschnitt (begint am anfang)

Die differentiale Theorie von US bewaffnete Kräfte (Schlangemodell) nach dem Antreffen einer Schlange im Bereich von Betrieben - Infanterie: Schlange riecht sie, läßt Bereich. - zerstreut: Länder an und Tötungen die Schlange. - Rüstung: Durchlaufüberschlange, lacht und sucht nach mehr Schlangen. - Luftfahrt: Hat die globalen in Position bringenden Satellitenkoordinaten snake. Kann nicht Schlange finden. Rückkehr zur Unterseite für tankt, Mannschaftsrest und manicures wieder. - Ranger: Spiele mit Schlange, ißt sie dann. - FeldcArtillerie: Tötungen snake mit massiver Zeit auf Zielschwall mit drei Vorwärtsartilleriebrigaden in der Unterstützung. Tötet mehreree hundert Zivilisten als unvermeidbare kollaterale Beschädigung. Mission gilt als einen Erfolg und allen Teilnehmern (d.h. Köche, Mechaniker und Sekretärinnen) werden silberne Sterne zugesprochen.

so lustig kann google übersetzn

[Hitman]

Das ist ja witzig, desonator...